This is the End of Infinitesane...

Assalamualaikum and welcome to Infinitesane. It's not a "Berkat Jumaat" as this is INFINITESANE LAST ENTRY!!!

Today is the Birthday of my role model, Allahyarham Sudirman Hj Arshad. He's not my idol though because the most ideal idol is definitely our beloved prophet, Muhammad pbuh. So, what is the difference between role model and idol? Well, idol is a person that we want to be in every aspect. It means that you want to do whatever he do, you want to be a mirror image of him. On the other hand, role model is a person that you want to be but not in every aspect. You want to achieve what they achieved, you're motivated by their succsess. In the end, you want to end up like them or even better than them. So, got the difference? At least that is my definiton. So, why am I telling you this? Well, this is Infinitesane LAST ENTRY, however INFINITESANE DEFINITELY STILL ALIVE, IT JUST EVOLVING!

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This is The End...of A Beginning

Today is my birthday. But I'm not as happy as my 18th birthday. In fact, if I can, I want to keep it as a secret for today. I'm acting like it's not my birthday today. However, that is almost impossible to do thanks to the facebook who keep reminding people about other's birthday. I know I can change the setting but I'm too lazy to do that. Plus, I don't care much whether they wish my birthday or not. Don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying I'm not being thankful for their wishes, it's just doesn't matter me anymore. I'm glad people wishing me for my birthday and I also didn't get hurt if people doesn't care to wish to me anymore. I just want people to know my existence, that's all. Why am I not happy?

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Why I'm not happy? Well there are a lot of reasons why I'm not happy with myself. When I was in my primary school, I always wanted to be in a boarding school. I got it, mission accomplished. Sadly, my pace was only going well until that level. After I finished my secondary school(that boarding school), I was just a mediocre student. Not like when I was in primary school. When I was in primary school, I always get the top spot in the school. Maybe not the first spot, but still at my own class. However, things change. When I was in the boarding school, I always wanting to further my study abroad. However, that was not happening at all. As a mediocre student, I just manage to get a spot in the matriculation college.

In the matriculation college, I'm in a culture shock. Everything need to be done as soon as possible. Nobody gonna help you. You're on your own. When I was in the boarding school, teachers always provide us with the "supplement" that we need to thrive in the exam. But that's not happen there. I'm starting to skip classes, and end up with a quite disappointing result. Honestly, I don't remember. With that result, I was randomly placed in a course that I don't even know what it is. Degree of "Information Technology and Multimedia". That's not what I got in the University period. Things are getting worst. I don't have anyone that I know in this course, I have people from my school and matriculation college studying there but there was none in my course. So, I'm alone and no closest friend there. I have my housemate that I considered the closest friend that I have when I was in University. In the end, I gave up to the stress and ran away.

My dream is always to be an entertainer just my favorite role model, Allahyarham Sudirman Haji Arshad. I've tried many audition but my nervousness get into me. I never perform well in the audition. Until now, the dream is still a dream. I always hoping I can living my dream and my age is now became older. People that I know, most of 'em already have their target locked. They just need to follow the track and they should do fine. Me? I'm still lost, I've my target but my target is not in my sight. I lost my target, and now waiting the target to go through in front of me. And when that time comes, I'll not hesitate to lock on my target.

People always said, It doesn’t matter how you START but what's matter is how you FINISH! I can say I started quite well, but now is my dark period. I'm on a slump and I've fell in a deep valley. I need to climb again and claim my spot again. I'm not sure when the time comes, but I'm damn sure I'm not gonna let it happen again. If I have a time machine, I'll go back to my boarding school period and slap me hard when I started to give up with the competition. You know, students in a boarding school, they're amazing students. They smart, they've charisma and many other things that I'm not competing in my primary school.

So, Are you ready for

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Ready?

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